Austin Powers Volkswagen
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery is a 1997 American action comedy film and the first installment of the Austin Powers series. It was directed by Jay Roach and written by Mike Myers, who also starred as both the titular character Austin Powers and main antagonist Dr. Evil., Powers’ arch-enemy. The film co-stars Elizabeth Hurley, Robert Wagner, Seth Green and Michael York. The film also includes appearances by Will Ferrell, Mimi Rogers, Carrie Fisher, Tom Arnold, Rob Lowe, Christian Slater, Cheri Oteri, Neil Mullarkey and Burt Bacharach.
Let me ask you a question, and be honest. (activates a spinning bed) Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I make you horny, baby? Yeah!
Yeah, baby, yeah!
Shall we shag now, or shall we shag later?
Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I make you horny, baby? Yeah, do I?
It’s freedom, baby, yeah!
Pardon me for being rude. It was not me, it was my food. It just popped up to say hello, and now it’s gone back down below.
Fat Bastard: Of course I’m not happy! Look at me, I’m a big fat slob. I’ve got bigger titties than you do. I’ve got more chins than a Chinese phonebook. I’ve not seen my willie in two years, which is long enough to declare it legally dead.
[on the verge of tears]
Fat Bastard: I can’t stop eating. I eat because I’m unhappy, and I’m unhappy because I eat. It’s a vicious cycle. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s someone I’d like to get in touch with and forgive… myself.
Fat Bastard: [Farts] Sorry. I farted. It’s a long road ahead.
The MOD sends Austin back to 1969 with its own time travel device, a Convertible Volkswagen New Beetle. Austin arrives at a party in his London pad and with the assistance of a CIA agent, Felicity Shagwell, escapes an assassination attempt by two of Dr. Evil’s operatives. Austin and Felicity are pursued by Mustafa, another of Dr. Evil’s henchmen; when caught he reveals the existence of Dr. Evil’s secret volcano lair.
Austin: Wait a tick. Basil, if I travel back to 1969 and I was frozen in 1967, presumably, I could go back and visit my frozen self. But, if I’m still frozen in 1967, how could I have been unthawed in the ’90s and traveled back to…
Austin: Oh, no, I’ve gone cross-eyed.
Basil: I suggest you don’t worry about those things and just enjoy yourself.
[Noticing Dr. Evil’s spaceship on radar]
Radar Operator: Colonel, you better have a look at this radar.
Colonel: What is it, son?
Radar Operator: I don’t know, sir, but it looks like a giant…
Jet Pilot: Dick. Dick, take a look out of starboard.
Co-Pilot: Oh my God, it looks like a huge…
Bird-Watching Woman: Pecker.
Bird-Watching Man: [raising binoculars] Ooh, Where?
Bird-Watching Woman: Over there. What sort of bird is that? Wait, it’s not a woodpecker, it looks like someone’s…
Army Sergeant: Privates. We have reports of an unidentified flying object. It has a long, smooth shaft, complete with…
Baseball Umpire: Two balls.
[looking up from game]
Baseball Umpire: What is that. It looks just like an enormous…
Chinese Teacher: Wang. pay attention.
Wang: I was distracted by that giant flying…
Musician: What’s that?
Willie: [squints] Well, that looks like a huge…
Radar Operator: Yes, sir?
Colonel: Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair. I have gathered here before me the world’s deadliest assassins. And yet, each of you has failed to kill Austin Powers. That makes me angry. And when Dr. Evil gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, people DIE!!
Why must I be surrounded by frickin’ idiots?!
Throw me a frickin’ bone here!
[Austin and Vanessa see a man decapitated by the sea bass]
Austin: Not a good time to lose one’s ‘head’.
Austin: That’s not the way to get ‘ahead’ in life.
Austin: It’s a shame he wasn’t more ‘headstrong’.
Austin: He’ll never be the ‘head’ of a major corporation.
Vanessa: Okay, that’ll do.